Saturday, June 14, 2008

Cancer Fighting Weather

It's overcast and cold again. It's down right gloomy. I hear from friends and family and bus drivers and clerks and cashiers about how the weather is getting them down and I realize that that could be a large part of what I'm feeling too. It's easy to think however that it's the cancer.

My skin is always cold, ice cold; my finger tips not so nimble. Cancer generally has a hard time thriving in heat so I'd like to get to an infrared sauna this week. That might help. I'd like to be warm again. If I could just get my body warm, if I could only fall asleep, near a window, like a cat, and let the sun heat me, if I could only wake up with the sun on my face. It's coming soon I hear. I'll wait for it.

I've put a donation button on my blog and and I've had to think about criteria or "rules" for donating. All of my friends and all of my family and all of my community have already donated their love and their time and their money in order to help us live and save my life. The button comes with criteria I suppose because saving my life is exhausting and relentless and costly. How much is it worth? When do I stop trying? I don't think I do. Who does, who stops and when?

I met a woman in Florida who was trying to save her own life too. There are a lot of us. We're so tired. I wish someone would just through me that lifesaver already; the red one, the one I could clutch onto and lay my weary head upon; the one that would drift me back to warmth and normalcy, the one that would speak to me softly: "it's all over now, I'm here for you now; you've done a great job." Anyway, she told me she applied for 10 or 15 different credit cards and was approved for $ 43,000 worth of credit among about 8 or 9 cards. Only in America I thought.

I really thought that I might be back to work already but instead I've been approved for an indefinite leave. The way I say it is I have one chance to save my life and the rest of my life to work. Now is that time!

I guess the criteria is to:

1) Believe in me

2) Respect the choices and decisions I make to cure my cancer. These choices are well researched and the decisions are always difficult.

3) Believe in Kicking Cancer's Ass

4) Have extra cash to donate

If I had a friend with cancer right now, I would meet three of the criteria but I certainly wouldn't meet the last one! Nor would I meet the last one if I'd already donated.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Treice,

I don't know how you feel or what you're going through, however I do know that I:

1) Believe in you

2) Respect the choices and decisions you make to cure your cancer. Your choices are well researched and the decisions are always difficult.

3) Believe in Kicking Cancer's Ass

You are in my thoughts, my hopes and my prayers.

Love,
Keri (Jim's daughter)

Riley said...

Hi Treice,

I also believe in you, your choices and decisions and belief in kicking Cancer in the ass. If I had any extra cash now I'd send it and if I come into any I will.

Also the visualizations with Adam are all about heat and fire. I haven't seen or heard them but just with that idea I sat outside in the sun and felt the heat and created my own healing visualization with words. With the heat of the sun it was easy to imagine and visualize. At the beginning and almost through out, behind closed eyes I saw deep reds and oranges. By the end i saw white light.

I hope it is alright that I included you in that visualization along with my prayers.

I can not even begin to know what it is like to fight so hard for my own life.
I can relate to the jaw dropping shock one can feel in discovering the Neanderthal state of affairs in dealing with almost any basic rights and dignity issues. Even right now in this day and age, with all the previous warriors, research and finances that have gone into making change.
I have been dealing with sexual assault and abuse issues all my life and am heading to trial in a week. I am appalled at the ignorance and denial women and children(mostly in these types of cases) have to confront when coming forward seeking help or accountability.
Like you with Ken, I had a shocking day yesterday when I discovered my own counsel is a neanderthal in a misogynist, patriarchal, mouse on a wheel,legal system.
I too am a warrior and am left to my own courage, strength, tenacity, self reliance and will to take a stand and make my self count as a human being.

I am inspired by your fierceness, strength, desire, intelligence, drive, belief in your power and worth, tenderness, vulnerability, bravery, and willingness to share all of yourself with all of us.
Thanks for all the hard work you are doing.
And you can kick ass and heal.
My love and prayers are with you.