The Hammer and The Healer

"Hey, listen, can we talk?"

"Sure, let's go the boardroom; grab your tea."

"Listen, I really hate to tell you this. I mean for the most part, you've been good to me here; but you know, I, um; I, I quit."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"You know, um, it's, ah, it's really too much for me here. I, I thought this was a place that I really wanted to work, but with the team changing as it is, I just, - I want out."

"You don't like the team, here at H & H?"

"NO! I don't like the team here at H & H; are you serious? Do you like the team? Do you like what you've created here? These people are shadows of people; they have no souls; they're counter productive. This is ridiculous really. Um, so yeah, listen, I just, -I quit."

"I happen to believe the team here is well balanced."

"Well balanced? Are you off your rocker? You hired Depression last week! What could she have to offer us here? The week before that you hired three new guys. Really come on, Isolation? Misery? Self Doubt? I saw Fault interviewing Sadness last week for Christ's sake. Look, I thought you really needed me here, and that I could do this job for you, but no, I can't; no one can do this job for you, this is ridiculous."

"Well, there's Hope; you and her have always got along."

"Got along? What? Hope is a fucking chameleon! Our relationship started when I caught her making out on my couch with Death. Jesus, I don't even see her anymore since you gave her office to the latest addition to your team. Her office is in the kitchen for Christ's sake, I see her at coffee break and that's it."

"You're still drinking coffee? You know, you shouldn't....."

"SHUT UP!"

"Do you have any positive thoughts, any at all, about what you're doing here?"

"Yes, I have some, I guess"

"You know that positive thoughts are exponentially more powerful than negative thoughts."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it doesn't matter that you are negative about your team; all negative thoughts are weak and all positive thoughts are powerful. It's true; try it."

"What is this? What did you do? Did you read a self help book and now your passing your learnings on? Great, thanks!" I can read my own self help book thank you very much."

"Yes, I did, and I do and you should."

"You do what?"

"I pass everything I learn on to you."

"Thank you, I guess."

"Look maybe you're right. People have done this job before you (and done very, very well) and if I recall correctly, the teams in the past may have been more balanced."

"AHHH HA! I knew it!"

"How about I make some more hires this week?"

"Forget it, I quit, I told you Fah-ni-to."

"Well, there's a couple resumes right here on the fax machine, how about we take a look at them together? Maybe you'd like to do the interviewing this time around? Maybe you can build new offices for them? You know that construction management thing you were on about before, maybe that would help."

"Oh? I, I would like that very much. Let me see those."

"Here you go."

"Hey look, it's Laughter, I used to work with her a couple years ago. And look, here's Pretty, I remember her, and Confidence, and look here's Healer herself, and Joy....can we hire them all?"

"Well, we have no room, we can't possibly hire them all."

"Look, I told you, I can do this. I can make space for new hires, this is doable. Hell, Death needs company in the corridor, I can put Laughter in there with him until I design something more suitable. I'll build the offices for these new hires. I'll do that and still do my real job."

"That is your real job. Congratulations!"

"Congratulations on what?"

"Youv'e been promoted.'"

"You don't say, you mean I came in here to quit and I got a promotion? I love that!"

"Good, we'll see you tomorrow then."