I think I need to break up with my oncologist. She says she tries her best; I say her best isn't good enough! My God, how do we begin to define "best" with this before us? I'm beginning to despise her and mock her under my breath; "we're trying our best you know..." "meer mying are mest moo mo...!"
Could she be teaching me something that I should stick around for? Perhaps I am supposed to learn forgiveness. If only I'd gone to Church every Sunday; maybe I'd have something to fall back on; maybe this would make more sense; maybe it would get me through.
When you get diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer do you:
a) wake up and fight
b) go back to bed
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I hadn't wanted to read your inside voice for a few days, just hoping that when I went back to it, you would be full of good news. It doesn't seem to be so, and although I have told myself not to cry, just to pray and thank God that he is healing you, now I can't help crying. I love you, Treice. Please please fight and stay. I wish I could hug you and Max and Kelly right now. I hope you can feel the hugs and love from this far away.
i hadn't wanted to burden you as one more person to tell the story to... but it seems that course of action has left us in the dark, not knowing WTF was up with you... when ian talked to kim tonight, and got the full skinny, we're so bizarrely scattered - scared, sad, desperately trying to find the positive direction to support you in. I know we're not exactly bosom buddies... we live over here cocooned in our own hectic life... and we aren't very good at calling and asking "whats up"... but i need you to know that we think about you all the time... the photos of max around the bakery make it impossible NOT to think of you. So know, even when we end up in town overnight unexpectedly and don't call, your health, your life, your positive outcome is in our hearts and heads. and we'll do better. i promise. we love you.
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