Tuesday, October 12, 2010

May 3, 2010

About a year ago, Kelly asked me to type up what I said at Treice’s funeral. It wasn’t until today that I could manage to re-read my writing and relive some of the feelings I was having a year ago. The words below are fairly accurate, but anything I adlibbed will obviously be missing. Anyways, here it goes…

Niki
_________________________________________________________________
After 23 years of a wonderful friendship it’s amazing to me how difficult it’s been to conjure up the words that describe how I felt, feel, about my best friend Treice. Here it goes…

‘“You’re the strangest person I ever met,” she said, and I said,“ You too.” And we decided to know each other a long time.’

Treice gave a painting to me a few years ago with these words; it shows two oddly figured people holding hands. The sentiment is completely true in how we felt when we first connected.

We met as young women at the age of 15.

And since then, we’ve only lived away from each other a total of two years. Even then, we remained in constant contact.

I feel lucky and privileged to have met a kindred spirit at such a young age.

She brought a feeling of security to me. I think the feeling was mutual. I didn’t feel so alone with my wacko thoughts anymore.

We could talk for hours about anything and everything and never felt scared about sharing our deepest thoughts, opinions, experiences, and MANY analyses of life.

We trusted each other like scuba divers: If one of us said we needed to go up for air, the other followed, without question.

When we embarked on a cross-country adventure to make our way on our own, needless to say our families were a little skeptical.

But the truth is, we inspired each other and supported each other and managed to survive our teens and 20’s with our friendship fully intact and deeper than ever.

I think one of the most beautiful aspects of our friendship was our ability to let go and let each of us develop our lives with new friends and boyfriends and eventually our husbands. When Treice and Kelly’s lives began to accelerate, I told her not to hesitate. When my husband, Dave, got sick (we had been separated for just over a year at that point), she told me to follow my heart. That was one of the greatest gifts she gave to me.

Although our lives over the past couple years have been mired in tragedy and sadness, we remained in tune with each other.

For whatever reason, these are some fun times Treice and I had together that come to mind,

Our “epic” 7-day journey down the coast to LA on the Green Tortoise and back on the Blue Goose

Treice honking the horn on my Dad’s boat and scaring the crap out of him

Skipping out on our bill at the Cottage Bistro (totally innocently) by dancing our way out of the restaurant

The Springsteen tour that Dave and Treice MADE me go on with them (well, actually I was totally into it, but not because of Springsteen, I got to hang out with my best buds)

Drinking on the edge of the Scarborough Bluffs, philosophizing at the ripe old age of 16 (15 for Treice)

Innocently jumping the queue at the passport office and making it in and out of there in under 45 min when everyone else ahead of us had been there for 5 hours already.

Barbie yelling out dance numbers and Treice making a dance to go along with each one; there must have been at least a dozen Steve Martin-like numbers Treice performed for us that night.

I dunno, I could keep going and maybe I will. If any of you have been around me in the past year (It’s now May 3 2010 as I type out what I said at the funeral nearly a year ago, I’m taking some creative liberty here), you’ll have noticed I talk about her and my husband a lot, at least it feels like a lot to me. Okay, back to the original program…

Gifts from Treice

Her life, her friendship, her insight,

Her gentle cajoling to get me to talk when she knew something was wrong

Kelly and his family

Little Max

Her humour, her smile

Her love

I gave Treice a magnet a few years ago with two old ladies, arm in arm, the same height, similar expressions on their faces, and it says “A friend, as it were, is a second self”

Throughout our friendship, she ALWAYS considered me. She ALWAYS included me. I miss that terribly.

Some of our friends shared their thoughts of what she meant to them:

Wonderful, truly unique
Exceptional
Straight forward
Humourous, always made us laugh
Vibrant
Smart
Strong
Beautiful
Honest

But somehow words aren’t enough to describe the essence of Treice. You had to know her.

I thank God for her.

I’m not a big believer but somehow I feel comforted to think she’s still with us, looking over us. Last summer (summer of 2009, more creative liberty here), I liked to think Treice and Dave were up there wheeling and dealing to get us one of the best summers for weather on record. Thanks guys!

I told a friend that I felt an entire volume of life was closed after losing Treice and my husband Dave in the past year and he said, “ I wouldn’t ever think of that volume of life as ever being closed. It’s the only thing you can actually say you have to open. The time you had with them can never be taken away”

I miss Treice so much and will forever remember her by opening that volume and re-reading and recounting her life and love.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks Niki for that beautiful piece. I don't know what made me go to Treice's blog. She's been on my mind a lot....especially seeing how well and happy Max is and what a wonderful Dad Kelly is.
I keep hoping to see Treice in the pictures Kelly posts
Peg

Grammy T said...

I didn't know Treice but her blog became a big part of my life. I live in the US and was diagnosed with cervical adeno carcinoma myself three years ago. I was having an especially morbid day and was online to find out just how awful this was and why I should feel sorry for myself. Then I found her blog. I was blogging myself at the time and included a portion of one of her posts there. (http://masterbeef.net/ma/masemporium/ It's under "another's point of view". I've wondered about her frequently. Thought of her a lot. And wished I had known her. Her strength, humor and creativity were evident. Her spirit continues to live and it's evidenced by the love all of you have for her.

DAVID HAAS said...

Hello,
I have a question about your blog. Please email me!
Thanks,
David

corina said...

I had the pleasure of knowing Treice for a brief but intense time in 2001/2002. We worked together and became fast friends, but lost touch when our lives went separate ways.
I have thought of her often and found an old address book with her name and number today which prompted me to look for her. I was so sad to find out that she passed. Part of me wishes I never googled her name...it was nice thinking she was still out there because people like her are so rare and such a gift to those who get to know them (even if it is for a short time).
Treice had such a huge impact on me and I deeply regret losing contact with her. I look back at those times and am thankful I met her and experienced knowing someone like her.
I realize this is very late in coming, but I am sorry that her close friends and family had to let go of Treice and hope you have found comfort and peace.
Corina

Unknown said...

Thoughtful words Niki.
It's taken 7 years to finally have the courage to read Treice's last words......I guess part of me holds on to her memory like a child protects his ice cream cone on a muggy Toronto summer.

I remember walking the streets in TO with Treice who was doing a video on homeless kids for a school project. Who does that at her age?

I remember my first beer at the WISE Hall with her and playing darts into the late hours

I cherish the emotional trip to Japan and climbing Mt.Fuji with her

I miss her word searches, mazes and creative cards she always made

I remember her trying to teach me how to drive a crappy standard car.....then skitching alongside it with Rollerblade

I remember double riding a bike and whipping out together

I remember how she was there for me even when I wasn't looking out for my self

I miss her and hope the Grand Universe had greater plans for her then we are capable of understanding.
Be that Lighthouse Trice and guide us home.

Love you
BS Club Lives